i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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