I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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