forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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