have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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