Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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