Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
