hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
