Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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