How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
