she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
