Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
