Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
