I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
