I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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