with your own penis?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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