Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
