we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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