i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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