"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
