K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
