worst night to have a conscience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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