Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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