apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
