Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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