Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
