I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize