Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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