hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
