i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
