she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
try to milk me bitch
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