This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
