physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
