and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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