Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
