Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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