Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
