It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
