ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
