you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
