i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
