she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize