listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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