i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were destined to go to rehab together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
