...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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