Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize