apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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