Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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