Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
