My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
