Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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