I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
