My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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