Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize