im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I deserve this hangover.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
