in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
