getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
