please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
