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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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