Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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