So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
