rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
