I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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