The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
