Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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