Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
