ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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