Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
