Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
