we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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