i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
