I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
