my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am available for nakedness
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
